Growin' up with the da young boys didn't have no toys,
Hangin' down the street tryin get me some clothes,
Sittin' out da front door tryin' get some money,
So I can by my mums some honey.
As I grew up the world changed,
living in Detroit was the worst thing ever,
My mums had cancer because she have her operation,
because we were so poor.
Whole thing written by me, couldn't think of anything else to write so that's that. I hope you enjoy.
As an occasional reader and fan of poetry, I do rather like this. I particularly like and admire the way it's written; you speak using near perfect English (y'know, from England), but you are able to write in a completely different style - stereotypical "slang".
The actual diction of the piece actually reminds me of another member's work on here, as does your actual text. You should check out his work, his name is Volcanic Me and he was very active in this board when he posted. His style is a bit different than yours though, a bit more dreary in most cases. His syntax is a bit more complex aswell, but that just goes along with his personality too though.
Ah, I see. I'll check out his work. I've seen a few of his and there really good. But I'm new to poems and I think I should keep writing them.
Thank-you for the constructive criticism. I really appreciate it. Thanks for posting and reading.
I think it is a great poem and the grammar really fits the theme. :)
Good job.
Quote from: Jarred on September 12, 2011, 06:46:43 AM
I think it is a great poem and the grammar really fits the theme. :)
Good job.
Thanks Jarred, I will continue making Poems as people love them.
Nice Poem, It's pretty heavy though.
I'm eager to see some of your other work.
Thanks Jake, this is made up but it reminds me of a few things so that's why I made it. I'll work on another one later.